Pest Control
by The Sleeping Man
Summary: Realizing Dib is the only thing standing between him and global conquest, Zim hires a Irken assassin to kill Dib ... on Tallest's dime, Of course.
1. Pest Problem

**Yeah, This is my first Zim story so I decided to edit it and combine the first two chapters together. Please read, review, and enjoy!**

The Sun beamed down on a peaceful spring morning as the flowers of every color seemed to reach toward the life giving rays. Small children splashed in the water of a broken fire hydrant. They would occasionally run off to have mudfights even though they knew their parents would scold them later. However at the moment, many of their parents were busy with their outdoor chores and making small talk with the neighbors about the news, gossip, and latest sale at the new big box store. It was an all-around pleasant day and almost everyone was outside to enjoy the fine weather while it lasted. Everyone was outside except for the secretive family that lived in the little house at the end of the cul-de-sac. It was weird looking house painted green and purple with shades always drawn. The front-yard was well-kept with freaking gnomes, whose eyes seemed your every move, covering almost every inch. Thick steel pipes sprouted out of its sides and into the adjacent buildings like monstrous leeches feasting on prey. Noone knew when the house was built because it just seemed to sprout up overnight. The people who lived in the house were even weirder than the house itself. They never came to any of neighborhood functions, like pool parties or barbecues. Neighborly offerings of fruit baskets and potato salad were left to rot in the sun then promptly thrown in the trash. They just stayed inside the cramped little shack and occasionally harass anyone who rang the doorbell. Rumors had spread that they were either in the Witness Protection Program or escaped circus clowns. The only member of the family, anyone interacted with, was the family's antisocial son with the rare skin disorder which left him green and hideously disfigured. He had one of those new age hippy names, Zippo, Zerm, Zek or something or other. No one ever talked to him long enough to really know what his name really was. He only came outside when marched to school and marched home. He would occasionally pick a fight with the local nutcase who believed he was an alien. After a while, people just gave up trying to interact with the family living in the ugly house at the end of the cul-de-sac and ignored the weird things that started happening on a daily basis ever since they arrived. Although the family was a mystery, one thing that everyone could agree was that they were Freaks!

In the distance, the sight of a mushroom cloud reached across the skyline. This would terrify normal people but the people of this suburb, even the entire city, just accepted it as part of everyday life. As the cloud quickly dissipated, the sound of a high –pitched scream filled the air. Suddenly the source of the scream became clear as he crashed face first into the front yard. It was the strange green neighbor kid, who lived in the freaky house. Although he appeared to be in agonizing pain, he slowly stood up and dusted himself off. Aware that all eyes were now on him, he straightened himself up as best, he could. His clothes were torn and disheveled. His hair was messy and his green skin was badly bruised.

"That is normal, you know," He blurted out quickly, "I..I..uh, I…" He stuttered not knowing how to explain himself. "I just flew in from Las Vegas when my arms gave way and crashed," A very poor excuse especially since everyone knew humans could not fly.

"Are you alright?" One of the concerned parents asked,

"Of course, Zim is fine, there is no reason to possible call the authorities," He stated nonchalantly, "Why would not I be…besides the fact I flew a half mile into compacted soil,"

The man motioned slowly toward his eye, "Your..Your eye, its red," The green boy then felt his face then looked toward the ground.

"Oh... that is part of skin condition and I hope you will never mention, it to anyone, you graciously stinky man" He began to sweat as he slowly inched his way toward the door, "If you excuse, I have to…" He then fumbled around and then yanked on the door with the men's restroom sign but it would not budge. "GIR!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, another object, that sounded like it was laughing wildly, came flying out of the sky and then crashed into the roof of the house. The boy then began to bang furiously on the door. "GIR, open this door!" The door swung open revealing a small green dog standing on its hindlegs.

"Meow," The dog greeted its master with a wide grin.

"Wrong animal, GIR," The boy said clenching his fists and gritting his teeth, "Move out of the way," He started to walk in side but was forced back out by his parents.

"Welcome home, Son," they stated mechanically and in unison.

"Get out of my way!" He shouted before storming inside and slamming the door behind. He then opened the door and screeched "If any of you tell anyone about this, you will all fear, the wrath of Zim!" He slammed the door again which caused the little house to rock.

The neighbors stared at the house for several more minutes before continuing as they were before the incident occurred. No one really cared or was interested in what went on in that or the people that lived there. Everyone had already come to the same conclusion, those people were FREAKS!

* * *

Zim nervously peeked outside careful to hide his face. He had removed his disguise in order to analyze the situation at hand but kept it close by, in case he had to put it back on in a hurry. His squeedly spooch was pounding with fear, he felt that he had been uncomfortably close to being exposed and it was not by that idiot, Dib. He could not help but look out the window repeatedly. Each time, he expected to see black vans ready to tear him away to some government lab, where they would perform hideous experiments on him. The thought made him shiver.

"What cha doin'?" GIR whispered softly to Zim causing Zim nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Did you have to scream, GIR!?" Zim shouted as he grabbed his chest.

"But I didn't scream," GIR asked confused "Did you want me to?"

"Nooo!" Zim shouted back, "Where were you today when I needed you GIR?"

"I milked a cow," GIR stated proudly "Milk?" He cheerfully held out the bottle of fresh milk toward his master.

"No, I don't want any milk, GIR, I want to know why I can't count on you to be dependable for anything," He knocked the milk out of GIR's hands. "I was forced to talk to that smelly monkey beast next door," GIR just stared at Zim with his soulless wide eyes which soften Zim's squeedly spooch. Zim could never stay mad at him, he grown attached to the disturbed little psycho. He patted GIR reassuringly on the head.

"I am sorry, GIR," He sighed, "I am just frustrated that I have to report another failure to the Tallest," Zim tried so hard to meet the Tallest's expectations of him. It seemed each time, he contacted them, and it was to report another failure. The Tallest would soon begin to lose faith in him, and they may send another Invader to replace him. "So be it," he said to himself under his breath. He was a proud Irken and the best Invader in the Irken military but he would not excuse his continued failures to the Tallest any longer. If the Tallest felt it necessary, he would resign as his role as an Invader with honor and return to Irk. He would just not be the one to remind them or bring it up. He walked toward the TV screen.

"Computer, contact the Tallest," Zim stated firmly as he struggled to compose himself.

"Do I have to?" The Computer groaned. Zim was becoming more and more frustrated each day. None of his servants were obeying him like they were supposed to.

"Just do it!" His voice crackled. He had done so much screaming today, he felt that he would soon lose his voice.

"Fine," The Computer reluctantly agreed. Several minutes of silence passed. Zim had been staring at GIR, who had shoved Minimoose into his mouth. The little moose was now squeaking incessantly in GIR's stomach. "The transmission is not being received,"

"Not received?" Zim asked as he picked up GIR and shook him until Minimoose emerged out of his stomach and inexplicably with a sombrero. "Is the transmission being blocked?" Zim took a quick peek out the window. He wanted to make sure the government drones were not blocking his transmissions in order to isolate him from the Armada.

"No, the Transmission is reaching the Armada, but they are just not answering," The Computer replied,

"Hmmm…maybe it is a bad signal," Zim wondered while ignoring the statements of his computer. "It is possible that our communication satellite was damaged,"

"No, they are just not picking up…" The Computer started before being interrupted by Zim.

"Try piggy backing our signal off of Invader Groot's satellite," Zim commanded. Invader Groot's target planet, Quals, was closest to Earth and since Groot's mission paled in comparison to Zim's, he was sure the Tallests would not mind.

"Hacking Irken Satellite frequency!"

"It's not hacking, we are just borrowing Groot's satellite while we contact the Tallest because our satellite is down," Zim explained. A fuzzy image appeared on the TV screen.

"Invader Groot, Are you still there?" A voice emitted from the screen. "Invader Groot, dammit, I think we lost him,"

"Oh well, service drone, I need snacks now and tell Candy drone to get out here now!" Another voice demanded, "Wait, who is that?" The image of two tall figures standing on a platform could be made out. As the image cleared, two visibly disappointed green aliens, who were wearing identical suits that matched their red and purple eyes respectively, could be made out on the screen.

"Its Zim hide before he …"

"My Tallests, This is your faithful Invader, Zim, here to submit my mission report," Zim stood proud and firm as the Tallest grudgingly flopped into their seats.

"Zim, what is the point of ignoring your calls if you are just going to hack someone else's satellite frequency!" Tallest Purple said noticeably exhausted, "and where are my snacks, Drone," Zim could hear the computer muttering 'I told you'.

"What he means to say is, we were dealing with a crisis involving Invader Groot, and interruption may have cost him dearly?" Tallest Red remarked. GIR was now chasing Minimoose around the house, trying to retrieve his sombrero but Minimoose taunted him by floating just out of reach. Zim was embarrassed to have this nonsense going on while he was to report to his leaders. He quickly snatched the sombrero away from Minimoose and tossed it into the kitchen out of view of the Tallest.

"I am sorry, My Tallests but I believed that my crucial mission report was more important than anything offered by that slacker Groot,"

"That slacker scored…forget it, just tell us what you want now," Tallest Red sighed, he knew there was no reasoning with Zim, so why would he even bother.

"Sirs, I just completed Operation…" Zim paused for dramatic effect "Thunder Hog!"

"Thunder Hog?" Tallest Red asked skeptically. He and Purple began whispering to each other.

"Thunder Hog!" GIR shouted as he latched onto Zim's head.

"GIR get off me, I can't play right now, go play with your sombrero or with Minimoose, just don't bother me at the moment," He tore GIR away from his face and threw him to the floor. GIR then ran off to make a mess of the house. Zim would have tried to stop him but he needed to show the Tallest that he was in control of the situation.

"Well, Zim as much as we want to hear the details of your obviously "ingenious" plan, we have…"

"Operation Thunder Hog was a great feat of military engineering and ingenuity," Zim continued, as he completely ignored his leaders' protests. "The plan was to gather pigs from all over the local farming communities and exposed them to high doses of radiation, in order to create a giant radioactive super pig with sole mission of consuming the Dib human's massive head," Zim clenched his fists in amazement at his own genius. "I even got a Powerpoint and Charts,"

"Let me, guess it failed?" Tallest Purple asked bluntly,

"Oh no no no, my Tallest, you can have faith in Zim, it did not fail…entirely," He added under his breath.

"Mary's here!" GIR exclaimed as he happily danced around the room.

"GIR!" Zim shouted, "I said do not bother me now," GIR started to jump excitedly at the window.

"And she brought ham," GIR's mouth watered, "I like ham!"

"Yes…Yes, GIR, Now leave me alone", He told GIR before he returned to the Tallests. "I was able to successfully create the radioactive hog monster and unleash it against the Dib worm," The Tallest feinted interested as Zim went through the details of his mission. "Unfortunately, there was an unforeseeable complication in my calculations,"

"Zim!" A shout could be made out from outside.

"Oh no," He muttered to himself as his antennas drooped in dread. This was the worst possible time. "My Tallests, let's move our conversation to the lab," The Tallests who were not really paying attention suddenly took notice.

"Zim, we…mow mm are mmbusy, running the mmmpire and muff," Tallest Purple stated with a mouth full of candy. "This is some good candy, good work, drone,"

"If you have something else to do go ahead, but we have real…I mean other Invaders to talk to," Tallest Red was reaching the end of his rope with Zim.

"No, No my Tallest, Zim is never busy for you," Zim said nervously. Shouts of Zim continue to wail outside with loud monstrous squealing sounds.

"Zim, if you are not coming outside then I am coming inside!" The voice screamed.

"Computer defensive mode!" Zim barked while still pretending everything was fine.

"Defenses have been activated…Defenses have been destroyed," The Computer stated in the same sentence. Then the front right corner of the house came crashing down and a glowing green three faced pig ,of enormous size, emerged through the dust. Attached to the pigs' head was a piece of hardware that buried itself into the pigs' skin with blinders covered the pig's eyes. The pig monster was being led on a leash by a small boy with a rather oversized head. The boy's cloths were tattered and his head was covered in bite marks.

"Dib, attacking my own base with my own creature," Zim hissed with resentment then he peered toward the Tallest, who were suddenly very interested in what was going on. "I mean, oh no, little boy, Are you and your normal Earth dog lost?" Dib tilted his head puzzled.

"No.. I am here to give you a taste of your own medicine," Dib explained,

"Well, little boy, I do not know where you grandma is but if I see her, I will tell her you came by," Zim tried to wave Dib off.

"Man, you are in denial!" Dib snapped out of frustration, "You just tried to kill me with this…" Dib looked over at the pig monster. "I am not entirely sure what it is, but I know what I am going do with it," Zim could not take it any longer, he would not be embarrassed in front of the Tallests any longer.

"Foolish, dimwitted Dib with your abnormally large head, thinking you are, oh, so smart," Zim laughed manically as he wrung his hands together, "How smart are you now that you foolishly wandered into my cleverly disguised trap, giving me an excellent opportunity to show the Tallests, my ingenious plan, firsthand," Zim started shuffling through his pockets, "Hold on for a second…where is it?"

"Looking for this," Dib held up a small Irken headset with a little microphone. "The next time, you send something to kill me, make sure you can actually control it," Dib smiled with delight. "And my head's not big, maybe slightly above average but not big!" He lifted the microphone to mouth. "Sick him," The blinders, that covered the pigs' bulging red eyes, were removed and the pig's six eyes directly focused on Zim. The creature squealed furiously before charging at Zim.


	2. Infestation

**Here is to hoping that this weeks update has more of an impact. Please review but be courteous. I hope you enjoy. **

"Gir, Protect your Master!" GIR, who had been in the kitchen dancing with Minimoose, stood at attention with his eyes glowing red. He then ran behind the Pig beast while shrieking "I going to eat you, pig!" He then bit down on the monster's hind leg causing it to squeal and buck, sending GIR flying into the sky.

"Oh yeah, that is how I got here," Zim suddenly remembered. However he did not bite the pig and his flight followed a massive explosion. "Minimoose…" Zim began before the pig monster grabbed his head in its jaws and started shaking him about.

"You know, I am starting to enjoy our chats with Zim," Tallest Purple quipped visibly entertained by Zim's pain as he grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into his mouth. Tallest Red nodded in agreement.

"Alien scum, Tell me what your plans are for Earth!" Dib suddenly ran up and shoved his face into the monitor.

"And now it is ruined," Tallest Red sneered, "Its that big-headed kid again," Tallest Red tried to position himself in a way so he could see past Dib's head. In the background, the pig monster continued to rampage through Zim's house with Zim still in its mouth. Zim was screaming how it was crushing his brain. "Kid can you please move, I really want to see that,"

"I am still amazed that such a big head can fit on a tiny body," Tallest Purple contemplated. "It is truly one of the wonders of the universe,"

"I don't care he is in the way," Tallest Red barked. Dib sat in front of the monitor clearly not amused, by the fact that he was having the wonders of his head being pondered by aliens. Zim, who had been struggling to pull his head out the pig's mouth, finally managed to free himself.

"Success!" He shouted overjoyed by his escape, "Minimoose, destroy the Dib monkey's headset!" He managed to order the little moose before one of pig's other heads wrapped its jaws around his torso and began shaking him violently. "Hur..ry Zim…is going …to be …sick," With the courage and speed of a miniature moose, the tiny creature meeped obediently before charging at Dib and vaporizing the headset. The pig monster stopped its rampage and stood slack-jawed as it dropped Zim into a puddle of drool. This momentary reprieve quickly ended as the creature began its rampage anew and crashed through the back wall of Zim's house. It ran wildly toward the city before exploding in a mushroom cloud. It would soon reconstitute itself and begin its rampage again but that was someone else's problem now not Zim's. Dib took this moment to quickly escape through one of the many holes in Zim's house. Zim struggled to chase after him but was hampered by the fact that he was drenched head to toe in slippery hog slobber.

"Ha ha, Victory for Earth!" Dib celebrated as he made it to the safety of the outside world beyond Zim's yard. Zim picked up a piece of rumble from his shattered house and throw at Dib's massive target of a head. The rock smashed the side of Dib's face causing him to topple over.

"No, Victory for Zim!" Zim shot his hands up with success as Dib slowly stood up and limped away nursing his head. Zim slipped on the drool and fell backwards onto his back. He slid backwards into view of the monitor. The Tallests stared down at him as he laid on the floor too injured to get up but he acted nonchalantly to make it seem like there wasn't a problem. "My Tallests, Did you enjoy the glorious victory of Zim and the Empire," He smiled despite being in extreme pain.

The Tallests looked around the ruins of what was formerly Zim's house. "I wouldn't call it a victory," Tallest Purple retorted

"Zim, your house is in ruins, your defenses were destroyed by a child and an abnormally large pig, and I am pretty sure, your back is broken," Tallest Red sighed. He was right, Zim's back was broken.

"True, my Tallests but didn't you see what I did with the rock," Zim said as he pointed in the direction where he beamed Dib with the rock.

"He is right, that was a good shot," Tallest Purple agreed in one his rare moment where he and Zim were of the same mind. Tallest Red slapped his hand over his eyes. He could not believe that he was surrounded by idiots.

"Zim just …don't call us back unless you are maimed or mortally wounded," Tallest Red shook his head in disgust.

"Or dead, preferably dead," Tallest Purple interjected.

"How is he suppose to the call us if he is dead?" Tallest Red shouted as the transmission was cut.

Zim stared blankly at the monitor. Partially because he believed the Tallest were still there and partially because he lost consciousness. When he realized the Tallest were not coming back, He barked orders at the computer.

"Computer, Activate self repair sequence before anyone suspects anything is wrong!"

"What? Why would anyone suspect anything besides the fact that there were loud explosions, screams of agony, and a giant pig beast which is now terrorizing the neighborhood?" The computer stated sarcastically. "Besides, you are just going to destroy it again tomorrow,"

"Are you back-sassing, your Master?" Zim roared in anger as he stared up at where he believed the computer was. "Don't make be switch your brain with Minimoose's, he is always loyal and has such an eloquent way of speaking,"

"Meep," Minimoose squeaked in agreement.

"He only says one word," The computer contended.

"Yes, but he says it so eloquently unlike you, whose mouth is always filled with filth," Zim asserted as he pointed upward toward where he believed the computer's mouth was.

"But I don't have a…fine," The computer gave up. There was no reasoning with his Master when he was in one of his moods. "Initiating Self Repair Sequence!"

"Good, now maybe you can be alittle more like Minimoose," Zim smiled at the belief that he was finally getting through to his computer.

"Meep," Minimoose complimented Zim.

"Pffft, suck up," The computer murmured under its breath.

"Speaking of misbehaving idiots, where is GIR?" As soon as these words left Zim's lips, GIR came crashing through the newly repaired ceiling and directly on top of Zim.

"I knew that was going to happen that always happens," The computer protested.

"Be quiet... and fix that hole,.. it looks like... it might rain," Zim wheezed before turning to GIR. "GIR, your miraculous... fall popped my... back into place,"

"Yeah!" GIR cheered,

"But you also... crushed by... insides and... I am now...in more pain... than I ever...was before,"

"Yeah!" GIR continued to cheer,

"Ow…but I don't care... today was... a great victory,"

"Yeah!...wait how so?" GIR puzzled. Even in the depths of his insane mind, he perceived today as a total failure.

"I hit Dib..in the head…with a rock….Victory for ZIM!" Zim lazily through a fist into the air before it flopped back down to his side.

"Oh, Yeah!" GIR went back to cheering.

"Yes, today was... a good day... but the Dib-human... is growing bolder... and it is getting... harder to rightfully... defeat him…Ow," Zim caressed his wounded abdomen. "But I am ...going plot my... counter-attack... after... my squeedly spooch stops... being mush…Ow"

"Yeah!" GIR continued to cheer insanely as Zim passed out.

Several hours Later, Zim was up and about like nothing ever happened. He was pacing back and forth with Minimoose cradled in his arms. GIR was trying to sneak a pig into the house after Zim banned all farm animals from the premises.

"GIR!" he shouted with his back turned to GIR.

"Run, Pig, Run!" GIR shooed the pig out of the house.

"Pig, where?" Zim nervously looked around for a pig but he did not see one so he slowly began to relax. "GIR, don't scare me, like that you know how I feel about pigs after…" Zim began to remember the horror; he felt while trapped in the pig beast's putrid mouth. The thought sent a shiver up his newly repaired spine. "GIR, I have been thinking,"

"Really?" GIR questioned in disbelief.

"Yes, really," Zim shot back back irritated at the thought of being questioned. "The Dib monkey is growing bolder and more cunning by the day,"

"Yeah, I like monkeys," GIR began to make ape-like sounds and movements.

"Not that kind of monkey, GIR, Dib human," Zim barked as GIR returned back to attention, "I fear that one day, he may succeed in foiling one of my brilliant plans," When Zim turned his back, GIR ran after Minimoose and began to wrestled while squealing" Moosy moosy moose," Zim was none the wiser as he continued to make his speech to a non-existent GIR. "I believe that it is time, I called an Exterminator," He proposed.

"No!" GIR shouted in horror.

"Yes!" Zim responded.

"No!" GIR shouted even louder than before.

"Yes, now silence and let me explain,"GIR sat obediently and listened to Zim but in his head, GIR was listening to the Bloaty's Pizza Hog theme song."An Exterminator is an Irken assassin trained in the art of stealth killing. They are highly trained mercenaries who work outside the military for a price… well technically, they are just a bunch of drop outs and flunkies from the Invader academy that could not make the cut but they still have some usefulness,"

"Bloaty's Pizza Hog, Bloaty's Pizza..."

"GIR!" Zim snapped GIR back to reality, "Were you even listening?"

"I want pizza... and hamburger shoooes!"

"GIR, focus," Zim grabbed GIR's head and pointed it directly at him so all GIR could see was Zim. "Exterminator equals Assassin,"

"Wait, so they won't kill my friends," GIR asked sheepishly

"Your friends?" Zim was already afraid of where this conversation was heading. GIR walked over to the couch and lifted it over his head. Millions of cockroaches scurried away from their hiding place. The floor was soon covered in a living moving mat of bugs. Zim jumped up onto to bookshelf in horror. "What are these horrible little things doing in my beautiful house?"

"I don't know there were only two last week," GIR stated genuinely confused. The cockroaches soon found new hiding places all over the house.

"Computer, take a note, I need to fumigate every floor of the house," Zim jumped off the bookshelf and landed on the floor with a crunch. Zim looked under his boot find the yellow and brown mess of blood and guts from a cockroach, that did not make it to safety fast enough. "Eww," Zim stuck out his segmented tongue in disgust. He began wiping his boot on the floor in effort to removing the gooey mess from his previously clean boot. As the computer protested having to clean up the mess, GIR began to sob uncontrollable. Speechlessly, He looked at the mess then to Zim then back mess. He did this repeatedly until Zim forced him to stop. "GIR, you are starting to make me sick, what is wrong with you?"

"You…you...you," he said fighting through the tears, "You killed Mrs. Teapot!" He shouted before started to cry again. "Now Mr. Teapot is a widow…er" Zim sighed, he hated when GIR gets attached to things that Zim ends up killing,"

"Who is this Mr. Teapot," Zim stated dismissively, "Another one of your cockroach friends,"

"Nooooo," GIR immediately stopped crying and returned to his normal self. It was just as Zim suspected, it was one of GIR's many bouts of insanity. "He is this badger, I found in the yard," He opened up his head to receive a rabid badger which he pressed against Zim's face. The badger began to growl viciously. "Ahh, I think he likes yoouu," The badger leaped free from GIR's hands and onto Zim's face. It began to dig its claws and teeth into Zim's flesh as he howled in pain. Zim rolled on the floor as GIR made tea and set the table for his tea party.

"Evil beast of teeth and fur, you will not get the better of Zim!" Zim screamed as he detached the badger off his face and threw it out the window. "Zim has tangled with beasts far scarier than you!"

"I just fixed that window," The computer protested

"Shut up and do your job!" Zim commanded

"Okay, sir, what do you want from me,"

"Bandages, Zim needs bandages!" Zim shouted as he felt the deep gashes in his face. He did not really need bandages, superior Irken physiology allowed him to heal extremely fast but he just wanted to keep the computer from whining anymore. Zim then heard scratching at the door and before he could react GIR answered it.

"Hello, Mister Teapot, do you want some crumpets?" The badger ran past GIR and returned to ripping apart Zim's face.

"GIR, why did you answer the door?!" Zim snapped as he continued his epic fight with the badger.

"He wants crumpets!" GIR bellowed insanely. "The depths of the robot's insanity knew no bounds," Zim thought as the badger took one more parting swipe at Zim's eyes before running off. Zim chased it to the door.

"You will rue this day, badger-beast, you will rue it," Zim shouted from the safety of his house. "Minimoose, bring that badger, back here so it may know that wrath of ZIM!"

"Meep" Minimoose squeaked obediently before chasing after the badger.

"GIR, don't bring any more of your "friends" into my house!" GIR wasn't paying any attention, he had already moved on to his favorite activity, filling his head with cream cheese and watching TV. The news was on and the reporter woman was saying something about a giant three head pig leaving a path of destruction across the Northwestern United States.

"I miss Mary," GIR sniffled

"Of course, you do," Zim walked past GIR and toward the toilet. "GIR, I am going to the base and I mean it GIR no more farm animals in this house" Zim then flushed himself down to the lower reaches of the base. A moment after he left, there was a knock at the down. GIR got up and answered it. Outside was a dirty hobo with a bottle of booze in one hand and a deck of playing cards in the other.

"Hello, crazy robot thing, its poker night and I hope you are ready to lose," The Hobo stammered in a drunken stupor.

"I know, Betty, but Master says I can't bring anymore farm animals into the house," GIR sadly confided in the random Hobo at his door. The hobo took petty on GIR and got down on one knee to talk with him.

"I remember when my master told me not to bring any more farm animals into the house," He reassured GIR.

"What did you?" GIR smiled anticipating the answer.

"I did it, anyway and he kicked me out of the house," The hobo burped "And that is how I became a hobo," The Hobo stood back up and stared blankly into space with a grin on his face. GIR thought about it for a second then slammed the door in the hobo's face. He walked back to the sofa and began to think about it some more. He then walked back to the door and opened it. The Hobo was still there staring blankly into space with the same grin on his face.

"Sounds like fun! Come on in!" GIR exclaimed in excitement leading the hobo into the kitchen. He was followed by a flock of geese, three sheep, a cow, two goats, five chickens, and a man with neck meats that covered half his body.


End file.
